It's interesting how as you get older,
Summer becomes less and less of a break.
Things change, for better and for worse,
Leaving one to only wonder how things could have been.
The old and the new,
the good and the bad,
Sometimes you just feel like a hollow shell,
Life whistling on through you as time goes by.
But somehow life goes on,
And as hard as it is to find the light at times,
It's there, and you will see it,
If you only keep trying with all that you have.
As much as I want to go on and to care,
I'm only going through the motion,
Stuck on my old notion.
As much as I would like to go on as I had,
Deep down I know it's just a lie,
As much as I may try.
Something's broken inside me,
Snapped, it's gone,
Lost, as I now seek to move on.
But when have I been one to give up on a lost cause?
I know what you're going through. I've lived it. I still am living it. You'd rather help others, than save yourself. I understand this feeling; I'd jump in front of a train to push a complete stranger off the tracks. You have a strong sense of what's right and wrong, and do as best as you humanly can to abide it. As much as it degrades you, you'd rather take it than see someone else hurt.
But you're only human, and can only take so much. You feel like you're constantly on the breaking point, straddling the line between sanity and insanity. I understand that too. Hell, the last few nights I've spent up after midnight having a full on conversa
Why do I
Feel sick inside?
I am strong but weak,
Restless but exhausted.
Broken but whole,
Am I a whole or merely a hole?
I'm everything and nothing,
A successful failure.
All that I am is not enough.
I can't walk but I can run
In the opposite direction.
My insides crawl as I think about it.
I look into old photographs of myself.
The twinkle in my eyes that no longer exists
The smile that won't come anymore.
The simple look of wonder and amazement.
I want to curl up and lay down.
What does one do,
When they love what they do,
But hate who they're turning into?
Do I deserve to go die in a hole?
Yes
I am a failure.
Absolutely!
Does she still even care about me?
Absolutely!
I've disappointed her though haven't I?
Absolutely!
Is absolutely the only thing you say?
Outlook not so good
Is this a futile battle?
No way!
Do I have the will to see it through?
Definitely
Will it work out well for me in the end?
Maybe
Fml
Outlook not so good
Thanks for the help, magic 8 ball.
Definitely
You were my biggest fan,
And I stabbed you in the back.
I didn't try to,
But accidentally mislead you.
You opened up to me, said I inspired you.
You told me I was courageous, your hero.
You were troubled and emotionally fragile,
And in the moment I wasn't careful.
My intentions were better, but the result equaled that of the jerks I despise for the way they mistreat.
Hypocritically making you a foundation, then yanking it out from under your feet.
I gave you hope, but proceeded to trip clumsily
Over it and shatter it just as quickly.
I saw the problem and tried to prevent it while it was still approaching,
But I misjudged and was
I hope and I pray
That things can work out between us,
That you don't have to leave us,
That there will always be an "us".
I won't ever stop trying
To go anywhere for you,
To do anything for you,
To give up everything for you.
I trust you with my life,
I Have complete faith in you,
That my words will be listened to,
So here's one more bit for you.
Remember that the only thing I want more
Than for us to be together,
Is for you to be happy, regardless
Of whether or not we're together.
I wake up to an alarm clock blaring and get on the bus before the sun has risen.
The flowers in our yard haven't bloomed.
My schedule is repetitive.
They cut the lower limbs off the trees I used to climb in the field my backyard borders.
I usually don't see the sun set.
But somehow,
Throughout the day,
I find things and people that make me smile,
Make life worth living,
That I want to wake up the next day.